I saw a guy being really abusive to his girlfriend. She was asking people to help, but no one would. When he grabbed her, I tried to separate them, but he turned on me. I punched him and knocked him down. It wasn't a scandal; I was just doing what anybody should.
Timothy Hutton

Read more:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/abusive.html#ixzz1J4kkTxeL

Click on this link for a crossword puzzle with abusive terms and their definitions.
http://new.puzzle-maker.com:8080/Cache/JPG84B5.tmp

Overview of Abuse by Lindsay

  Abuse can be mild verbal or severe physical and even death.  Abuse can occur between heterosexual couples, homosexual couples and different racial and ethnic groups.  Abuse is wrong, and no one deserves it!

Abusers believe that it is their right to control and disrespect their partner.  Their attitudes and beliefs are what drive their behaviors. Because these attitudes and beliefs are learned behaviors, it is extremely difficult for an abuser to change.  An abuser must take ownership of their false attitudes and beliefs and make the commitment to change.  This claim will take time and hard work to accomplish.  No one can change overnight nor can it be done without help from an abuser program.

It can be extremely difficult for a battered partner to find support in the community because of widespread biased and stereotyped beliefs among members and officials.  Police officers, judges, lawyers and other people involved may put the blame on the victim.  Because a battered partner is put in even greater danger by the abuser when they attempt to leave, many victims choose to stay in the relationship. This causes people to place judgment on the victim.   Awareness of battered woman syndrome and the ways in which abusers are able to manipulate and charm people will help communities and the officials to understand, provide support and provide encouragement to a victim who is trying to leave an abuser.  Also, people will be able to identify the charm and manipulation put forth by the abuser. 
The pages to follow this home page reflect three chapters that I chose from Lundy Bancroft's book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.  As a victim of abuse in my past, these three chapters were the most interesting to me and I felt that they would be the most helpful to identify, understand and learn about change in an abuser.  It seems that many women, who are victims of abuse,  say similar things about abusers.  I think these chapters can put things into perspective for a victim of abuse. 

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands." -author unknown

When I decided to make a change in my life, I read this autobiography by Portia Nelson each and every day, because it takes a great amount of courage and work to take a different street.

 

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson ~

(There's a Hole in My Sidewalk)