2. He must acknowledge that the abuse was wrong.
3. He must admit that his behavior was a choice, not a lack of control.
4. He must recognize the effects of his abuse on you and the children and show empathy.
5. He must be able to identify his behaviors and attitudes of control and entitlement.
6. He must replace those behaviors and attitudes with respect.
7. He must change his distorted image of you.
8. He must recognize that he must make things right with you.
9. He must accept the consequences of his actions.
10. He must commit to never repeat his abusive behaviors.
11. He must give up his entitlement to flirt with other women, go out with his friends all night long while you have the children and being allowed to express anger while you are not.
12. He must accept that it takes the rest of his life to overcome his abusive attitudes and behaviors and he must work on it every day.
13. He must be willing to be accountable for his actions, both for the future and for the past.
You cannot change an abusive man, he must do it on his own. You are the only person who can make the distinction about whether he is respecting you and your rights. While your partner is working on his attitudes and beliefs, attend to yourself and your children. Make your recovery from abusiveness your top focus.
This is a link to an article about art therapy for victims of abuse. It is not always easy to talk about the abuse that you have suffered from. Art therapy may be a positive way to help you heal.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-healing-arts/200809/telling-without-talking-breaking-the-silence-domestic-violence
"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." -Charles Darwin
For men who abuse women, here are some websites for abuser programs.
http://www.emergedv.com/
http://www.theduluthmodel.org/
